Simply put, what is the worst movie(s) you have ever seen? I don't mean movies that are so bad they're good, I mean movies that are so bad you want to have the director arrested for stealing two hours of your life. Here are a few of my least pleasant experiences to get things started:

KIM: As a teenager I watched this 1950 "classic" largely because I had a broken foot at the time and couldn't escape. The title character is the orphaned son of a British officer who wanders around India disguised as a native(did I forget to mention that the aforementioned orphan is played by Dean Stockwell who at the age of 14 looked every bit as old as he did in Quantum Leap?). He has a series of stultifying adventures including an encounter with secret agent Mahbub Ali (played by Errol Flynn, looking nothing like anyone who could ever be named Mahbub Ali). There's also a bit about Czarist Russian agitators and a wandering Lama trying to find a mythical lake which he never finds because it's mythical, and in the end he drops dead and I was just glad I didn't join him.

-J

For me there can only be one...

HALLOWEEN III: THE SEASON OF THE WITCH


To say I hate this "film" is a understatement, it had NOTHING to do with the series, and I can't say it enough if you haven't had the unpleasure of seeing it, I congratulate you on that, because I envy you...

2001: A Space Oddesy. IT SUCKS!!!!! What do monkeys and a big black rock have to do with anything? It jumps around and mostly has annoying music. The only good part is the part with Hal 2000. It was a breakthrough for special effects but definetly NOT for story. It sucks!

Two words: Flash Gordon.

-S

To thejim: A few years ago, I was unfortunate enough come across Halloween III on a cable station that was running a sub-par horror marathon. After waiting nearly 30 minutes for Michael Myers to show up and waste the increasingly annoying cast, I smelled a rat and bailed out.
Apparently that was a good move.


To Zenos: Thank you for confirming what I've always suspected about 2001: A Space Oddesy. Although I've never seen the film and have read many reviews praising it as the greatest cinematic achievement in the known universe, I just couldn't believe that it's possible to make a good movie that involves monkeys and a big black rock.

About Flash Gordon: If you are ever given the choice between watching this waste of celluoid(toilet paper would have been more appropriate) and being run over by a backhoe, pick the backhoe. It's less painful.

Zenos' post got me thinking: What's the most overrated movie you've ever seen? You know, the movie that all your family, friends, co-workers, critics, etc. say is the greatest thing they've ever seen and you go to see it and it's absolutely horrible? So horrible that it prompts you to wonder if:

A: Everybody's getting something out of it you're missing.
B: You went to the wrong theater.
C: Your loved ones are playing a sadistically cruel joke on you.
D: All of the above.

Here's one for starters:
CHARIOTS OF FIRE: Let's see...Oscar winner, one of the best soundtracks ever, did I miss anything? Oh yeah...It's the most TEDIOUS, INCOMPREHENSIBLE MESS I'VE EVER SEEN! After watching 45 minutes and comprehending none of it, I gave up. A few days later, when I mentioned to my brother-in-law that I had seen it, he said, "I tried to watch it once, but I only got through 45 minutes of it."

-J

OVERRATED MOVIE!!!!!

Mine is Eyes Wide Shut everyone always talked about what a great achievement this film was for Stanley Kubrick. Give me a break,this movie was a total boring waste of time. The believability of the story was totally lacking and all it was to me is a romp by the director through his own sexual fantazies. I have never read the book so I don't know if they are remotely the same. I just hate the movie.

Full Metal Jacket, Dr. Strangelove,A Clockwork Orange and The Shining now those can be considered great achievements in filmmaking.

I totally agree with 2001: A Space Odyessy it is one of the most boring lifeless movies I have ever seen.

Cheers,
Jeff
s1941

I can't even say. I've soooo many s*** movies, I can't pick one! But how about anything Uwe Boll has done and Oliver Stone. lol, that's not even the tip of the iceberg for me

LOL!!!
Your right about Uwe Boll. I have a copy of Bloodrayne that I bought because you got the movie for free if you bought the DVD game.
It must be a bad movie if you get it for free just because you bought a video game right?
Bad doesn't begin to describe this movie, lol!!
After watching I couldn't believe Sir Ben Kingsley would have made such a piece of tripe, especially after making House of Sand and Fog and Sexy Beast

Cheers,
Jeff
s1941

Let's see I didn't think Cold Mountain was all that great. It was predictable and very hyped by the Hollywood critic machine. Not to mention I've never liked Jude Law.

lol, Ben can get a pass because he's actually a good actor The rest......*cough* >.>

I agree that the Bloodrayne movie was pretty bad, not thw worst movie I've ever seen though. The sex scene was mildly amusing.
I'm finding it really hard to pick a worst movie ever, because I usually like crappy, B-grade movies even. Well actually, I've just thought of one movie which I really, really hate, 'Anaconda.'
It was the worst movie ever, and the anaconda looked so demented.

to soldier1941: The hype-machine was clearly working overtime on Eyes Wide Shut. I wonder if everyone would have made such a big deal about it if Kubrick hadn't died so close to the film's release.

to Aeslec: My personal theory is that Sir Ben Kingsley acted in Bloodrayne because Uwe Boll blackmailed him into it with compromising pictures. I'm still working on a theory for Species...

to Zenos: I didn't see Cold Mountain, but the trailers looked dreadful. That movie might have benefitted from some monkeys and a big black rock.

to heartofglitter: My brother and I are big fans of B-movies too(you haven't lived until you've seen the worst Hammer Horror has to offer). Actually, sometimes I think I'm more entertained by B-movies than I am by the mainstream releases. Thanks for the tip about Anaconda. I haven't seen it, but from what I've heard, the snake isn't the only demented thing about that movie.

Here's another overrated one:
THE CONVERSATION: Directed by Francis Ford Coppola and starring Gene Hackman and Harrison Ford, what could possibly go wrong? The answer? Nothing. I mean nothing as in NOTHING HAPPENS...EVER! I'm not saying this movie was slowpaced, but I got to the point where I wanted to grab Hackman's character by the front of his translucent plastic raincoat (don't ask) and say: DO SOMETHING!
For example: In one scene Hackman's character wakes up, goes into the bathroom and starts shaving. But this is not just an establishing shot to give us the idea he's getting ready to go somewhere. He actually shaves HIS ENTIRE FACE! Then he brushes ALL HIS TEETH( I was just glad he didn't have to use the toilet)! Then he goes back into his bedroom, picks out his clothes and gets dressed, ALL IN REAL TIME!
In another tedious scene, his character attends a trade show and walks from booth to booth stopping to listen to ENTIRE SALES PITCHES!
In yet another scene, his character is standing in an elevator talking through the open door to Harrison Ford's character who is in the hall. They talk for a long time and every few seconds the elevator door starts to close and Hackman has to slap it back open(not TOO distracting)! Apparently this was all done for effect, but the only effect it had on me was to make me change channels.

-J

Here are 3 more I hated... If you haven't seen these movies, congratulations... Now if you've seen them, I feel for you...

VULGAR
Kevin Smith may have produced it, but the title says it all... Trust me when I say this, it's not funny... The best part of the DVD is the rejection letters from various film festivals like Sundance...


HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES
This was suppose to good right??? I can honestly say there was not one character I liked in this piece of "film"... The worst part is they made a sequel to it...


O
the only movie I've ever seen where none of the actors had any chemistry... I remember this piece of garbage was delayed coming out because of the Columbine High School massacre happened...

to heartofglitter: Yeah that sex scene was way stupid. The camera angle cracked me up. I mean we had all seen Loken's butt from Terminator 3 (which is a really great movie) to have a table block the whole scene is really weird, especially since she is supposed to be this really sexy vampire.

to thejim: I was totally dissappointed with Vulgar. I really like Kevin Smith but I figure he needed a tax write-off so that's why he produced this one.
I never saw House of 1000 Corpses I have seen about 7 White Zombie and Rob Zombie concerts which I loved so I figured I didn't want to see a movie that he made that everyone said was useless.

Cheers,
Jeff
s1941

The sex scene in BloodRayne seemed so.....forced. It seemed more like they were having an orgasmic dump than anything else. But I liked the butt shot of Loken in Termenator 3..... Oh, and House of A Thousand corpes was nothing but a piece of supposedly goood crap. Man it sucked!

Heartofglitter and J: But I kinda liked Anaconda.....it gave me a good laugh

Anaconda is a B-movie all the way. Jon Voight is so over the top in it. I was watching it on satellite the other night and it's almost like he is winking and smirking at the audience the whole time.

J-Lo I can do without. I've only seen one movie with her in it that I truly like and she is just taking up space in it; Out of Sight by Steven Soderbergh with Ving Rhames, Albert Brooks, Steve Zahn, Don Cheadle and George Clooney.

Cheers,
Jeff
s1941

When I was younger I saw this horrible B movie on the independent station in B'ham loosely based on the Eagles' song of the same name Hotel California. I had dreams about it for days trying to figure out better ways to write it. Has anyone seen it?

Ahh, someone brought up videogame-based movies... So, to add to this list, I'll have to say: Double Dragon.

The Double Dragons were known in every arcade and NES console as tough, street-fighting, martial arts experts.

So, for the movie, they cast a guy in the lead role whose "impressive" martial arts repertoire includes such devastating techniques as.... the Noogie?!

And "Bo Abobo" has got to be one of the most ridiculous character names I've ever heard outside of manga or anime.

Mark Dacascos' skills were the only good thing about that movie.

Oh, thanks for reminding me B&B. Street Fighter sucked too. I mean can you remember the last good movie Jean Claude Van Damme was in? Raul Julia was in it and that was a good thing but it just wasn't that good.

I also thought that [/b]Mortal Combat 2[b] was just not a well plotted movie. They tried to hard to make it like a video game.

If were on the topic of videogame movies, let me bring up Doom. I had high hopes for it and it sucked. But I still like the rock tho

Movies based on video games always seem to reek as a rule, and another one that is no exception is Super Mario Bros. The very idea of a live-action SMB is absurd, it was obviously written by someone who had no idea what Super Mario Bros. was about, and the casting was terrible to boot.
I'm not sure Bob Hoskins should be cast as anything, but definitely not as Mario.

Why did Nintendo think this waste of celluloid was a good idea?


-S

Heh, if they were going to do a live-action Super Mario Bros., they would've been better off basing it on the kids' show (Super Mario Bros. Super Show) and casting Captain Lou Albano and Danny Wells. At least then it could've made money from the children & family film market, and I'm sure old-school Nintendo fans would've watched it just for nostalgia.

That would have been KILLER.

T

Definitely Spawn.

Gah, you brought back the memories!!!

LOL!!! I was wondering when Spawn was going to make the list, even the cartoon was bad.

Comics made into bad and cheesey movies, we must include Faust. Which for one thing shouldn't have been made because there's no way someone could create it exactly like the comic.

If you made it true to the comic it would have been x-rated and violent beyond anything ever made.
What was made is so bad it's unwatchable. It doesn't even qualify as a d-movie.

Cheers,
Jeff

Another awful movie based on a video game is Alone in the Dark.

This mess had NOTHING to do with the original game (although to be fair, neither did the latest Alone in the Dark videogame), which is a real shame, since the original game was a cool creepy Lovecraftian-Victorian horror game that would have made a great movie.

The movie starred Christian Slater and Tara Reid (apparently the movie was cast at an AA meeting), and directed by the aforementioned butcherer of video game films, Uwe Boll.


-S

Why are all of you bringing up these terrible memories??!

~sniff~ That movie was horrible! They thought putting a pony tail and some glasses on Tara Reid would make her look smart. What a pityful attempt.....

I 100% agree. The only really cool bit was when he had the BFG at the end, but that's only because the BFG itself is awesome. (And wasn't it's acting fantastic?)

How about House of the Dead? I didn't actually see this one, but I read the reviews... which sounded like horror stories in and of themselves.

Come on Spawn was not that bad, ther have been worst comic book movies... Like these three masterpeices.... NOT...

And I only saw Catwoman... I refuse to see the other two...

And how about this franchise killing movie...

Shinzon was suposed to the most memerial villian since Khan... What the hell was Rick Berman on and how did he keep his job???

[quote=Aeslec]Why are all of you bringing up these terrible memories??![/quote]

It's theraputic. We're only trying to help. Repeat after me:

"I'm not afraid of Uwe Boll."
"Uwe Boll cannot hurt me."
"Uwe Boll is my friend."

Oh, and don't watch House of the Dead or we'll have to start all over again.


-S

lol, yeah the BFG made the movie

I refuse to think that there was another Christopher Reeve Superman movie after 2!! OMG, Steel was so horrible! Shaq couldn't act to save us all from a nuclear bomb! Catwoman made no sense at all. Halle Berry can never pick good films! She really needs to fire her crappy agent

It's theraputic. We're only trying to help. Repeat after me:

"I'm not afraid of Uwe Boll."
"Uwe Boll cannot hurt me."
"Uwe Boll is my friend."

Oh, and don't watch House of the Dead or we'll have to start all over again.


-S[/quote]
O.K. *breathes in* I think it's working.....OH CRAP I just remembered Uwe Boll is making a Dead or Alive movie!

Augh... Catwoman made me so mad. It's like they look Selina's character, and turned her into a total hoe-bag. What the hell was with that outfit? Everyone knows that Catwomans' original catsuit is sexy because it doesn't show all her skin, just her lovely curves. By dressing her in hardly anything, they totally defeated the purpose. I hate today's views of fashion for women etc. It's so demeaning.
That movie also had some of the worst CG I've ever seen in a 'new' movie.

So I'm not the only one who didn't like that outfit. I've just never heard anyone else mention it before.

I didn't really see it as being trashy,but rather, just plain unflattering. And it didn't really suit the character. I mean, there's nothing about it to identify her as Catwoman if not for the ears on the mask.

Of course, I hated that oddly-stitched, fetish-gear Catwoman from Batman Returns too.

When I think of getting the right "look" for Catwoman in a live-action movie, the first image that comes to my mind is Catherine Zeta-Jones in Entrapment.

Entrapment was an awesome movie! But.....Catherine hasn't acted in years

You're right. I didn't mean putting Catherine herself in the role-- only using her look in that movie as inspiration for a live-action Catwoman. The outfits, the scenes when she crept into places, etc.

Oh, I see what you mean now. Yeah she would be a great role model for the next film. HOPEFULLY they'll get it on the next try......

On the subject of bad movies, does anyone remember those knock-off "barbarian" movies that suddenly flooded the scene after Conan the Barbarian?

I've seen Barbarian Queen 2 and 2 of the Deathstalker movies, and also The Warrior and the Sorceress. All of them were hilariously bad, and they seemed to know it.

The general rule of the Deathstalker movies was that the more muscular and manly the hero looked on the Vallejo painting on the box cover, the scrawnier the actual hero in the movie would be.

All barbarian movies seemed to have the same plot, too. You know: Bad guy resembling 70's glam-rocker oppresses the populace until scrawny travelling swordsman pokes him to death with a magic sword.

And judging from the special effects, I'm guessing their special effects budget was whatever they found under their sofa cushions.


-S

Yeah, you've got that right. They got to the point of actually recycling footage from previous films. There was a tavern scene in Deathstalker 2 that was blatantly ripped straight from the first movie, featuring characters who had already been killed.

And it's not like they were just obscure extras you wouldn't notice---These people died in the climactic, gladiator-arena battles of the first movie, some of them killed by the hero himself. It was painfully obvious, especially when the movies were both on a double-feature DVD and you watched them one after the other.

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVED THE HALLE BERRY CATWOMAN MOVIE!!!!!


Wait a minute, I never even saw that movie, it looked so bad in the previews that I hurled everytime I saw one. Whew, I was having a Bizzaro moment.



Anyone remember the Swamp Thing movies (1981 and 1989)and the television show that USANetworks did? Wes Craven (horrormeister) did the first one but it wasn't scary at all. I mean the star wasn't Swampy but Adrienne Barbeau (sic). The first one is barely watchable but the second stunk (Heather Locklear)and the series was terrible as well.

Cheers,
Jeff
s1941

This is actually a true story:
A woman makes a Chicken Tetrazzini dish that is very popular with her family, friends and neighbors. A neighbor asks her for the recipe and the woman gives it to her. The neighbor doesn't have chicken handy, so she uses beef instead. The recipe also called for slivered almonds which she didn't have, so she used peanuts instead. Her husband doesn't like mushrooms,(another ingredient) so she used green peppers. She doesn't have the linguine she needs for the recipe, so she uses elbow macaroni. The dinner is a disaster and the neighbor accuses the woman of giving her a bad recipe.

Substitute Catwoman for Chicken Tetrazzini, DC for the woman, Warner Bros. for the neighbor and you've got the idea.

-J

And too think that was also the last movie Raul Julia would ever star in...

As bad as some video game movies get Street Fighter The Movie should be seen as not what to do... Ken & Ryu gun smugglers, give me a break... Apparently somebody never played the game because they would have known that it's Ryu and not Guile is the main character...

to thejim: Street Fighter was Raul Julia's last starring role. I'm not saying the movie killed him, but it probably didn't help.

Now on to a movie that almost killed me:
SPY KIDS 3-D: This blurry mess starts out by torturing you with its pathetically bad 3D(it doesn't matter whether you wear the glasses or not. It looks exactly the same), and then tries to finish you off with its skincrawling attempts at humor. Some of the more memorable scenes include:
George Clooney doing an impression of Slyvester Stallone's voice/facial expressions(this might be funny if he was doing it as a party game and you were both drunk, but on screen its just...disturbing).

Steve Buscemi is wearing a cowboy outfit and riding a flying pig(why is Steve Buscemi wearing a cowboy outfit and riding a flying pig? )

Ricardo Montalbán(I didn't know he was still alive. You'd never guess from his acting) and a growth harmone-enhanced Sylvester Stallone discuss the true meaning of life(I wonder if it has anything to do with not being in lame movies like this).

Deathless lines like this one in which Sylvester Stallone's character is talking with his three split personalities(all played by Stallone wearing goofy wigs/costumes. I kid you not):" I don't mind talking to myself, but when you guys start to cut me outta the conversation. That's when it gets a little... strange!"

Believe me, we passed strange a long time ago...

-J

They are showing Catwoman on AMC (American Movie Classics ) now, oh how far the mighty have fallen lol!!

Cheers,
Jeff
s1941

My wife and I were watching tv last night and saw an ad for Lake Placid 2. I can't begin to say how much I hated the first Lake Placid.


Bridget Fonda was terrible in this movie. I found it just so unbelievable that Bill Pullman's character could actually fall in love with such a b*tch. Of course most of the characters in the movie were completely unlikeable. I was rooting for the alligator to eat Bridget and Oliver Platt from the moment they spoke.

Cheers,
Jeff
s1941